The Vital Importance of Honoring Your Parents Counsel
“Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth” (Ephesians 6:2-30). Paul repeats these hallowed words of the 5th commandment in his pastoral letter to the newly converted Gentiles in Ephesus. As newly engrafted members into the covenant people of God with Israel, they are now made members of the covenants of the promise made to Abraham, now fulfilled in Israel’s Messiah, Jesus Christ. They, like Israel, are called to be a kingdom of priests and a holy nation. One of the primary ways for them to be holy is in their relationships with one another. They are called to give honor to whom honor is due.
In the Scriptures, especially in the Proverbs we see an overwhelming amount of attention paid to honoring ones parents. One issue of paramount importance is how does a child honor their parents when they are an adult? What is the most Christ-honoring way for them to act towards their parents? I believe the answer in a nutshell is that adult children who are living on their own are covenantally under the Lord’s authority and are no longer under their parents authority, but they are to always honor their parents no matter what age they are. What does this look like practically and what is at the heart of honor?
Honor in Scripture means to prize, to fix a value upon, to revere, to respect and to give weight to. Biblically, a child before becoming an adult primarily honors their parents by obeying them. Upon becoming an adult, a child will still honor their parents by seeking and listening carefully to their parents counsel (Proverbs 23:22, "Listen to your father who begot you, and do not despise your mother when she is old." Proverbs 1:8-9; Proverbs 13:1;). Practically speaking, a parent most often has more concern and knowledge of their children's weaknesses and strengths and has a greater desire for their child's success than any other. Because of this a parents counsel should be weighed heavily and considered very seriously.
HONOR AS A GENERAL PRINCIPLE
Biblically, believers are instructed to not only honor their parents but also civil authorities, work supervisors, their spouse, other believers, elders and most of all and most preeminently, Christ Jesus the Lord. The command to honor though does not always mean that believers agree or do what the other party would prefer but it does mean that they always show respect, reverence and give weight to their counsel because of their position. Because believers are to obey Jesus Christ in all things and are to "rightly divide the Word of truth" they will at times disagree with those with whom they are to honor. These differences occur between believers because of the differences in how they interpret and apply the Word of God. The Bible does not condemn one for taking an action that goes against the counsel or act apart from the blessing of those to whom they are to honor if they are acting consistent with Scripture, have seriously considered the counsel of those to whom they are to honor and if we are treating these people with respect and reverence.
MAKING THE FINAL DECISION
In addition to getting counsel from their parents, an adult child should also get counsel from their fellow Christian brothers and sisters to determine what decision would honor the Lord the most. Getting counsel from those who have lived life longer and who have possibly been in a similar set of circumstances can offer particularly invaluable counsel. All counsel is fallible and may not always be the Lord’s will and so while it must be weighed heavily, it must ultimately be viewed through the lens of Scripture; because of this an adult child is permitted by Scripture to act without the blessing of their parents if they are truly following God’s will for their life, but doing so should be done with great caution, and done in much prayer, Bible study and counsel from other believers.
A WORD TO THE WISE
I want to use a personal anecdotal experience to express the importance of listening to counsel, especially parental counsel. Years ago, when I first started living on my own, I was counseled by those close to me, especially my parents, to not make any major life-decisions until I had some time under my belt living as an independent adult.
Unfortunately, I thought I had the world by its tail and felt that I had already finished my transition and that I was ready to lead a family. I was too confident in my knowledge and did not realize that knowledge and wisdom are two entirely different things. Because of my prideful presumption of knowledge, I failed to give proper weight to the counsel from my parents and others and forged ahead in pursuing marriage when I was not ready yet to be a husband and father. I compounded my error by not listening to the counsel that strongly suggested I take more time to establish a solid foundation with my relationship with my wife to be before entering into the marriage covenant. This resulted in my marrying my wife without engaging in helpful pre-marital counseling and without having the appropriate life wisdom that I needed to be a husband. Had I heeded these counsels, my marriage would have gotten off to a much better start. I experienced a lot of trials and hardships as a result of not heeding this counsel.
Remember, with few exceptions, parents know their children better than anyone. The knowledge that a parent has regarding their child including their unsurpassable love for their progeny and a desire to see their child succeed culminates in their being a source of probably the most important source of counsel one can obtain. If you disagree with your parents go to Godly counselors and tell them accurately your parents counsel and see if there might be a good point your parents have made that you have missed. Honor your parents, love your parents, listen to your parents and give their counsel the honor and respect that it deserves. Remember their years of personal sacrifice that they have made for you and give back to them as gratitude for what they have done for you.
